I managed to delete several drafts of this entry and cut and pasted it incorrectly... It is extremely frustrating but I’ve got to keep trying and it will get better. My ability to type and text has really come on so much, so hopefully the rest can too although it’s still disproportionately slow and predictive text doesn’t always go in my favour.
I’ve learned that so much hard work and sometimes soul destroying work is needed to get back to, or as close to that as you can be. Well I should say a new you and you can shape the new you. Its really is positive achieving new things but I won’t lie its also soul destroying having to relearn or practice something that wasn’t an issue before or you could do without thinking. Having to relearn to use a knife and fork and worse at 36 is not a confidence builder.
"It is too easy to say ‘no. I'm done’ or give up."
You have to keep positive and celebrate every quick win, even if small, and this is probably one of the hardest things about rehab and recovery, you have to keep strong minded and determined. It is too easy to say ‘no. I'm done’ or give up, there can be plenty of help around but I don’t want help I want to do it myself or help to get doing it myself. Except house cleaning and maybe ironing, there are limits. But what I do know if you do let others help they won’t do it like you would anyway. I know my husband is far too happy throwing everything in the tumble dryer, me not so much. My sister experienced this when she stayed earlier in the year and equally shares my concern and annoyance.
But throughout this process I can tell you there is no magic wand, you can be provided the right environment and support but it’s only your hard work that can get you to a place you are happier and more independent. Its hard work, it’s only though consistent hard work I learnt to walk and cycle indoors again and next year it will be running. Don't worry I've already picked the new handbag I will treat myself with when I achieve this milestone.
"Each morning I sit straight up in bed or look into the bathroom mirror and I tell myself firmly ‘YOU ARE IN CONTROL'."
To help me get there and tell myself ‘you can’. Each morning I sit straight up in bed or look into the bathroom mirror and I tell myself firmly ‘YOU ARE IN CONTROL'.
This won’t be a surprise to my nearest and dearest and I know I wrote before about needing some sense of control. But I gently and firmly confirm to myself and it influences the day’s actions, this so recommended regardless of the situation.
As well as having a strong daily mantra, I need to keep grounded. Part of this is being conscious of where your feet are, crossed legs, which I have a habit of doing is not helpful. You should have both feet flat on the ground. This will give you a instant sense of being grounded.
I’m taking the opportunity to say that we have experienced the amazing genuine support and kindness from our community and even total strangers. I am so grateful and it helps to bring back our faith in the humanity. As an event like we experienced destroys everything you believed was true and changes every priority and value you had. The destruction was and is wide spread and to the core but slowly my faith and trust in other people and society is returning.
I know I need to keep focusing on the good, it’s too easy to focus on the negative and bad actions. So what will help my recovery is to only focusing on the positive.
"So what will help my recovery is to only focusing on the positive."
Have been able to increase the size and weight of my handbag including popping in my current read. Unsurprisingly, bags are my thing and more flexibility in size and weight is so good!
Along that note I’ve introduced a stylish bookmark and it has transformed reading for me. I used to work extra hard on keeping my place in the text and that would take extra time and effort but now it makes it so much more enjoyable and I’m quicker at reading too. It's a simple and super common solution to a fair complex eye nerve problem I'm currently experiencing.
I actually made dinner more than once. This would have been shocking before, well I used to cook very rarely but usually it was worth a mention I know a stew and a tagine made about six plus years ago are still talked about now.
I just made a chicken tray bake which was actually really yummy. I got such a great sense of achievement and I could easily put it together without having to weigh ingredients out and be too precise and I could put it together in the afternoon cling film it and pop it in the oven later. Limiting stress and tiredness so it doesn’t take the days energy. The joys of Jamie Oliver recipes they don’t take too much time or effort. So I was able to prepare a nice healthy dinner for my in-laws and us without pushing myself too hard. Definitely winning. Plus there are lots of neuro benefits from following a recipe and every day maths etc. Who knew? Probably why we did it at school although no cooking basket is required now.
After my physio session last week I grabbed a post workout smoothie (which was delicious and needed it really was a workout!) and sat quiet causally at the bar area in the lounge on a bar stool. Yes it still had a low back but it was definitely a stool. The lounge was fairly busy and no one probably noticed me smiling with pride and texting Chris and my family WhatsApp to share the stool news! More seating options sounds like a win to me!